This is a question we think a lot. In this situation, we are caught in our thinking until we are able to step back and take another view point.
How do we get there?
In NLP, there are different techniques that are named "Refraiming".
Without going into theory, we just think of sentences that cross our minds.
"I'm too shy to be noticed by great guys."
"All others are in relationships but I'm still single because I'm gay."
There is an absoluteness in these statements, so it's hard to feel that it could be any different soon.
But we see that the sentences are combinations of two statements, which can be separated.
Statement 1: "I'm too shy." - Statement 2: "I'm not noticed by great guys."
Statement 1: "I'm single." - Statement 2: "I'm gay."
Picture any imaginary figure (for example like the angel and the devil), which is part of you and says one of the statements each for you.
See and feel them in each one of your hands.
Write a dialogue or let them talk out loud.
What is the positive aspect that each figure wants to stress, that could actually help you?
What if both sides negotiate to find a better solution?
If both sides can agree as a result, let them shake hands or put your hands together, as to combine and integrate what you just negotiated.
Tell me about your experiences - next time I write up this kind of dialogue.